The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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