So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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