i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
