he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
