How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
