you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
