maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
well I can't set my house on fire every night
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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