And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
