The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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