Will you blow on my dice?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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