I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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