If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
