apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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