This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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