Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
