Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
