Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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