Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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