I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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