ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
