loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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