Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize