Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
