Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
