I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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