Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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