maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
