My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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