Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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