I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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