Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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