Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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