So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
