apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
