At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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