Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
