When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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