i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
