Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
