I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
