Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
