I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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