So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
