That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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