Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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