She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
