Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
