So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
