her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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