I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you win again, gameday.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize