I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just found puke in my bra..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Enjoy the penises
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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