eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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