3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
