i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
