Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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