so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
