are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
