OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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