I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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