i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
