Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
