i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
