I look better un-naked...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
