when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Houston, we have a squirter
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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