i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I want to fling myself into the sun
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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