She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I am available for nakedness
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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