My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
