Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
