Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
