She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
