ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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