I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
