I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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